In this post, selling Buckingham Palace, Home Alone and Intestines, Gary’s Big One.
Selling Buckingham
Palace
If our experience is anything to go by, selling a property can be a daunting task. If Her Majesty ever decided to sell Buckingham Palace, the conversation would go something like this.
If our experience is anything to go by, selling a property can be a daunting task. If Her Majesty ever decided to sell Buckingham Palace, the conversation would go something like this.
“Hello your Majesty and thank you for considering Slide Up
Hill Estate Agents to handle your sale. Now a few points. First, I want the house to look lite, brite
and wite.”
“Don’t you mean light, bright and white?”
“Yes of course. Now, I want you to take out the old, gold
and brown furniture and the pictures of yourself and your family so that the
potential buyer can imagine herself in your home. Oh and all that silver stuff – box it up and
get something more modern, maybe a few items from Crap is Us that would appeal
to the more modern buyer who sees all this on Transform Your Home in a Weekend
TV specials.”
“But these are important and priceless antiques which
document the rich history of our family.
Look, here’s Charles before he got his head lopped off for telling
Parliament they were a bunch of jumped up commoners who didn’t understand the
Divine Right of Kings. Surely that adds
to the value of the property?”
“Well, I don’t know about that Your Royalness. All I know is, the photos on the web site
need to make it look big and all this clutter doesn’t help. And what about the garden? We need to get a
bit of potted colour here and there and I don’t want any maze thing – people
will just get lost there looking at the house.
Can’t have some potentate walking for more than ten minutes on his own
now can we?”
Now I appreciate we’re not selling something like Buckingham
Palace, but Aussies certainly don’t seem to share our taste in anything. We now have completely useless cushions on
all the beds and I am not allowed to sit on anything (not our cushions you see). It’s called “staging” so that the house looks
like a show home. It seems Aussie buyers
like it lite, wite and brite, preferably with space for the lunar module in the
garage, not to mention a boat, 4x4 and the Lexus. If you want to see the result
of staging “Cooranga”, go to http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-qld-auchenflower-117552307.
For the blokes looking at this site for the first time, “Click to enlarge”
refers to the photos.
Home Alone and Intestines
Mrs K is in Paradise looking after the latest addition to the Soto Kidner Clan, Sierra Madeline who I am now informed and indeed have witnessed has increased her vocabulary 100% this week with “Da Da”. While Mrs K enjoys looking after Miss Sierra Madeline, Kidner Jeremy is home alone trying to find somewhere to sit that doesn’t have a cushion on it and thinking about the meaning of life and how not to have a multi fibre muffin with coffee in the morning. These are not your ordinary sugar-laden, run of the mill, mass-produced muffin, these beasties are about 9 cubic inches of heaven on a plate with the added attraction of “fibre”. Recent studies show that eating more fibre (admittedly in the form of raw veggies and nuts) improves the bacterial mix in peoples’ digestive system which in turn sends a signal to the brain which in turn improves the immune system. If God created a system that requires fibre, who am I to challenge this? I am not immune to logic.
Mrs K is in Paradise looking after the latest addition to the Soto Kidner Clan, Sierra Madeline who I am now informed and indeed have witnessed has increased her vocabulary 100% this week with “Da Da”. While Mrs K enjoys looking after Miss Sierra Madeline, Kidner Jeremy is home alone trying to find somewhere to sit that doesn’t have a cushion on it and thinking about the meaning of life and how not to have a multi fibre muffin with coffee in the morning. These are not your ordinary sugar-laden, run of the mill, mass-produced muffin, these beasties are about 9 cubic inches of heaven on a plate with the added attraction of “fibre”. Recent studies show that eating more fibre (admittedly in the form of raw veggies and nuts) improves the bacterial mix in peoples’ digestive system which in turn sends a signal to the brain which in turn improves the immune system. If God created a system that requires fibre, who am I to challenge this? I am not immune to logic.
Gary’s Got a Big One
Before we departed these shores for the Caribbean for Christmas last year, Mrs K asked the Council to plant three trees, two in front of our house and one in front of Gary’s next door. Gary gave his a “Brazilian” and if you don’t know what that is, I can only relate what I have been told and that is that it involves pruning of a different nature to improve a lady’s bikini line. “So” Gary says “prune the trunk so that it gets bushy on the top and the tree will grow”. I declined on account of the fact Mrs K wasn’t here at the time and she makes these difficult calls, but there was no holding Gary. The only thing he didn’t do was use hot wax. Well, this tree grew like a weed until, disaster, it got blown down in the recent high winds. Oh dear and our bushy bushes were bushing along – I thought I heard them snigger in the wind. Too soon. Gary’s not the sort of bloke to have a Brazilian lying down, and now he really does have a big one and here it is.
Before we departed these shores for the Caribbean for Christmas last year, Mrs K asked the Council to plant three trees, two in front of our house and one in front of Gary’s next door. Gary gave his a “Brazilian” and if you don’t know what that is, I can only relate what I have been told and that is that it involves pruning of a different nature to improve a lady’s bikini line. “So” Gary says “prune the trunk so that it gets bushy on the top and the tree will grow”. I declined on account of the fact Mrs K wasn’t here at the time and she makes these difficult calls, but there was no holding Gary. The only thing he didn’t do was use hot wax. Well, this tree grew like a weed until, disaster, it got blown down in the recent high winds. Oh dear and our bushy bushes were bushing along – I thought I heard them snigger in the wind. Too soon. Gary’s not the sort of bloke to have a Brazilian lying down, and now he really does have a big one and here it is.
The story however doesn’t end there. A week or two ago, Sue came back to find
their trees had had a really vicious Brazilian. It may be that the rubbish
trucks (“garbage” trucks for Americans, “Waste Transfer Vehicles” for the
politically correct) couldn’t see up the junction. Only one thing to do when the bush obscures
the junction. A Brazilian!
Keep well. Stay safe.
Kidner Jeremy and Mrs K
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