The Wait Is over!

In this posting – New format; Cayman; States; bub; 

Newbies takes on a new format for 2016 – on the right hand side you will see several pages (DD, JJ, Sierra, Cayman, Offbeat and Obits). Click on them for more detailed news, photos and views.  When you read my Obit in the Obits, you will know Bridget or Sierra has taken over the blog.

Why the hiatus? Take your pick from the following; 

• Lazy
• Useless
• Busy with house sale, move, packing, unpacking, starting a new business, trying to find my way around Cayman (a huge island with a handful of roads)
•  All of the above.    

I have used the pen name ‘Rip Van Kidner’ before (hey, I never said I was inventive as well as idle) and was not surprised to find a conspiracy theory that the original Rip was actually the subject of an alien invasion. So, please add ‘Abducted by aliens’ to the list above. Spot which is the real Rip Van Winkle below.  

Correct answers to idiotatlarge@paradise.com. (Hint. That’s not a real email address.)

https://bibliophilica.wordpress.com

What's all this then?

So, having been abducted by aliens, which felt strangely like a 16-hour flight from Sydney to Dallas Fort Worth we went to (what used to be called) the Texas School Book Depository from where Lee Harvey Oswald shot John F Kennedy (depending on which conspiracy theory you prefer). 

The 6th floor has been turned into a museum and we saw the spot from where the shots were fired and looked directly at where Kennedy was fatally shot (marked inevitably by an 'X' on the road). Somehow it all looked smaller in real life. It is well worth a visit.

(Old) Texas School Book Depository

X marks the spot

When in the Lone Star State (Texas), one has to go to a cowboy shop, not to buy a cowboy you understand but to gawp at the hats, coats etc. (https://wildbillswestern.com/). Here we are after our visit to the store. Honest!  You can tell it’s me ‘cos of the stubble after a long flight.

Texas is famous for its beef, so naturally we went into what the Brits and the Aussies would call a pub, and after we ordered a salad, (sic) spotted the sign ‘Free Beer Tomorrow’. I went back the next day and guess what the barman told me. Winners can buy me a free beer. 

Our thanks to the lovely Eileen who was kind enough to show us around Dallas which we discovered is home to the third-largest concentration of Fortune 500 companies in the US. (The largest concentration will probably soon be in Ireland where they pay less tax. See the Pfizer/allegan merger.   

For more on the States, click on the States page in the sidebar on the right.

So, now the Newbies find themselves on a small island, Grand Cayman. In much the same way that Australia lies a little to the left of NZ, so Cuba lies between Cayman Islands (all three of them) and Florida, with Jamaica a tad to the right. See under – too easy. By the way, I should say ‘East’ I suppose, but I always get confused with all this East West stuff. As a copper on a motor cycle, I would be directed to Western, arrive in Eastern and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Follow the Arrow to see where we are. 

or a more global view if you prefer

One of the challenges for a serious shopper (read ‘females’) is that there is (apparently) not enough choice ‘on island’. Miami is therefore a necessary destination (ditto for motorcyles). So, when Mrs K flew to Miami with BK for some serious shopping (in search of dresses) which she did soon after we arrived, I got to look after the little one (my dresses were all OK). (Partner Mark was in North Carolina captaining the Cayman 7's team and qualifying for the Hong Kong Sevens next year. Good on ‘yer Mark.) 

Sheila and Sierra

Mind you, saying I was looking after the bub is a stretch. 

The wonderful and thoroughly capable Sheila did most of the heavy lifting, although I successfully changed several grungy diapers. Here the two of them are in full sunglasses bling mode. Wow!

In fact, I am in my own mind at least now a recognised expert on poop (dogs) and bub's (just). Think about that for a minute - life has more meaning the more of the Brown Stuff one deals with.  

I've moved from being full of it to merely collecting it. Progress of a sort I suppose.  

Oh, the bub.  'What of the bub?' I hear you say. What indeed. 

Smart little lady this one - at less than 18 months, she had learned to blame the dog for spilt water on the sofa.  

Here she is doing checking out bra sizes and hanging out with her handsome Mum and Dad. 

For more on Sierra, go to Sierra’s page.

Sierra and DD get along well. Here they are.  For more on DD. go to DD's page on the right.

DD and Sierra

On first arrival, we stayed with Bridget and Mark. We have now found a place to live. It took a while to get the arrow balanced on the roof and the drone in the right position; however, as you can see, I managed it in the end. 

We have a great view out to sea, particularly in the evening.  Thanks DD.

View from the front.

And we sometimes see the great cruise ships passing gently by, lit up like christmas trees. Brilliant.

Cruise ship behind the screen. 

Oops! Didn't allow for the screen.  This is the great cruise passing gently by etc., etc.  Ok, Ok, it's a bit dark, but you can use your imagination. 

Cruise Ship. Honest!

One of the wonderful things about living here is access to the beach where mega hermit crabs plunder the shore in an endless quest for food. 

.

Mega Hermit Crabs

Prior to actually moving in, we stayed at Dawn’s place (thank you Dawn).  The cat is just the friendliest cat in Cayman.  He’d come in after his nocturnal wanderings, eat his breakfast and then settle down for a sleep.  Here he is in his favourite fruit bowl.

Puss in Bowls

Life on an island has its charms. On a recent Monday lunchtime, we went to the newly opened West Bay Diner. Aha!  And nearby, the local guard dog.

Guarding

Next post.

New page for Cayman and Home making.

Chicago visit.

Newbies September 2014

In this post:
Untethered; property boom; Hong Kong: beer and sperm counts; sued for too much sex; religion.

We are now officially “untethered”. We have no home.  So what?” I hear you say Dear Reader.  Think about it.  All our lives we think of “home“ as a place that provides shelter, a retreat and a never ending stream of chores. We dream of home, we save up to buy a home, we take out a mortgage to buy one and pay it off over thirty years ending up costing us three times as much as we paid for it.  Anyone got a spare room they’re not using for a while?

Property Boom?

Houses as an investment pose something of a dilemma.  Sydney for example is experiencing an investor-led boom due in part to low interest rates and possibly money from China.  Hong Kong is experiencing a boom in property as money from the Mainland continues to push up prices. When I look at this graph produced by Philip Soos for Macro Business, it seems to me that once interest rates rise, property owners are going to experience some pain. For an interesting read on property in Australia, try this site.  It may surprise you.  The graph and the table under are reproduced from Macro Business.

http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2013/02/the-history-of-australian-property-values/

This site also suggests that the contortions we are going through with the budget may be the least of our worries.

Hong Kong

As I write this, Hong Kong is in the midst of the push to elect their Chief Executive.  For those with longer memories or a sense of history, Hong Kongers are not apolitical as is sometimes thought; at least by old Hong Kongees like us. Here is Government House in 1967 which was generally described as a “left wing” demonstration against the colonial government, DOB (Dear Old Blighty).  Nothing like getting what one wished for.

Odd spots

A recent study has shown that drinking beer reduces a man’s sperm count. Imagine that. I thought drinking beer eliminated the whole shebang as beer tends to make one drowsy.  This image says it all.

Source: http://orange-leaves.deviantart.com/art/Ursus-beer-ads-two-bottles-as-legs-and-a-bottle-as-335691286

A man in India is suing his wife for demanding too much sex.  I kid you not.  There are roughly 3 billion blokes on this planet all of whom think of sex every 15 minutes so we are told and here’s one guy complaining his missus is a bit over eager.  

When I was writing this, I thought I would make a crack at how perhaps she got the hots for him at Easter as well as Christmas so I looked up public holidays in India and discovered something quite thought provoking.  They allow for all sorts of public holidays, not just Christmas, Easter and New Year but Chinese New Year as well as their festivals and important anniversaries.  How good is that?

Berks, Bans and Burkas

The latest storm in our teacup comes on the heels the nasty events unfolding in Iraq and among other things, a ban on wearing burqas was put in place in Parliament House. A woman writing in the Sydney Morning Herald pointed out that “It's a niqab not a burqa ban”.  The ban required women wearing some kind of headdress they thought was a burqa to sit in a glass enclosure in Parliament House, presumably so that the sound of laughter at the ban didn’t put political debate at risk.

Religion

In these modern times, maybe we should think about why we invented religion at all. “Religion for Atheists” suggests two main needs:

·         “To live together in communities in harmony, despite our deeply rooted selfish and violent impulses.

·         To cope with terrifying degrees of pain which arise from our vulnerability to professional failure, to troubled relationships, to the death of loved ones and to our decay and demise”

I can’t see what’s happening there has much to do with religion.

Source: http://www.npr.org/books/titles/148135880/religion-for-atheists-a-non-believers-guide-to-the-uses-of-religion?tab=excerpt#

Keep Well.  Stay Safe.

Kidner Jeremy and Mrs K.

Rip Van Kidner awakes.

In this post, selling Buckingham Palace, Home Alone and Intestines, Gary’s Big One.

Selling Buckingham Palace
If our experience is anything to go by, selling a property can be a daunting task.  If Her Majesty ever decided to sell Buckingham Palace, the conversation would go something like this.

“Hello your Majesty and thank you for considering Slide Up Hill Estate Agents to handle your sale. Now a few points.  First, I want the house to look lite, brite and wite.”

“Don’t you mean light, bright and white?”

“Yes of course. Now, I want you to take out the old, gold and brown furniture and the pictures of yourself and your family so that the potential buyer can imagine herself in your home.  Oh and all that silver stuff – box it up and get something more modern, maybe a few items from Crap is Us that would appeal to the more modern buyer who sees all this on Transform Your Home in a Weekend TV specials.”

“But these are important and priceless antiques which document the rich history of our family.  Look, here’s Charles before he got his head lopped off for telling Parliament they were a bunch of jumped up commoners who didn’t understand the Divine Right of Kings.  Surely that adds to the value of the property?”

“Well, I don’t know about that Your Royalness.  All I know is, the photos on the web site need to make it look big and all this clutter doesn’t help.  And what about the garden? We need to get a bit of potted colour here and there and I don’t want any maze thing – people will just get lost there looking at the house.  Can’t have some potentate walking for more than ten minutes on his own now can we?”

Now I appreciate we’re not selling something like Buckingham Palace, but Aussies certainly don’t seem to share our taste in anything.  We now have completely useless cushions on all the beds and I am not allowed to sit on anything (not our cushions you see).  It’s called “staging” so that the house looks like a show home.  It seems Aussie buyers like it lite, wite and brite, preferably with space for the lunar module in the garage, not to mention a boat, 4x4 and the Lexus. If you want to see the result of staging “Cooranga”, go to http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-qld-auchenflower-117552307. For the blokes looking at this site for the first time, “Click to enlarge” refers to the photos.

Home Alone and Intestines
Mrs K is in Paradise looking after the latest addition to the Soto Kidner Clan, Sierra Madeline who I am now informed and indeed have witnessed has increased her vocabulary 100% this week with “Da Da”.  While Mrs K enjoys looking after Miss Sierra Madeline, Kidner Jeremy is home alone trying to find somewhere to sit that doesn’t have a cushion on it and thinking about the meaning of life and how not to have a multi fibre muffin with coffee in the morning. These are not your ordinary sugar-laden, run of the mill, mass-produced muffin, these beasties are about 9 cubic inches of heaven on a plate with the added attraction of “fibre”.  Recent studies show that eating more fibre (admittedly in the form of raw veggies and nuts) improves the bacterial mix in peoples’ digestive system which in turn sends a signal to the brain which in turn improves the immune system.  If God created a system that requires fibre, who am I to challenge this? I am not immune to logic.

Gary’s Got a Big One
Before we departed these shores for the Caribbean for Christmas last year, Mrs K asked the Council to plant three trees, two in front of our house and one in front of Gary’s next door. Gary gave his a “Brazilian” and if you don’t know what that is, I can only relate what I have been told and that is that it involves pruning of a different nature to improve a lady’s bikini line. “So” Gary says “prune the trunk so that it gets bushy on the top and the tree will grow”.  I declined on account of the fact Mrs K wasn’t here at the time and she makes these difficult calls, but there was no holding Gary.  The only thing he didn’t do was use hot wax. Well, this tree grew like a weed until, disaster, it got blown down in the recent high winds. Oh dear and our bushy bushes were bushing along – I thought I heard them snigger in the wind.  Too soon.  Gary’s not the sort of bloke to have a Brazilian lying down, and now he really does have a big one and here it is.

The story however doesn’t end there.  A week or two ago, Sue came back to find their trees had had a really vicious Brazilian. It may be that the rubbish trucks (“garbage” trucks for Americans, “Waste Transfer Vehicles” for the politically correct) couldn’t see up the junction.  Only one thing to do when the bush obscures the junction.  A Brazilian!

Keep well.  Stay safe.

Kidner Jeremy and Mrs K

Newbies March 2014

Of gnomes, Yetis, bubs, Dear Leader and Dear Premier, Elvis is the AG for QLD, droughts, prisons and wars.

Walter Furness

Our thoughts go out to John who lost his partner Walter at the beginning of the year.  You will be missed Walter.  You were a gentleman in the old fashioned sense of the word.  After a fall two years ago, you spent months immobile in hospital being fed through a tube in your stomach which for a celebrity chef must have been purgatory. You never complained. Not once.  The staff loved you. “Wal”, you were a perfect demonstration of courage, selflessness and gentleness.  You never gave up. We love you and we miss you.

Fareweell Cayman

The Newbies have done the long haul from Cayman to Miami, LA and then Brisbane.  This was our last glimpse of Cayman as we took off. 

Simply crossing the US of A is a big deal - the distance from Miami to Los Angeles is about the same as from Brisbane to Perth.  Comparing Australia to Grand Cayman is difficult - Australia is the sixth largest country in the world by total area (7,692,024 km²) whereas Grand Cayman is a tad smaller at 196 km².  Let’s put that into perspective.  Cayman is a bit smaller than the dots used to show where cities are located in this overlay of US of A and Aus. 

Aus is a BIG island. USA is a BIG landmass.

One good thing about the long haul is that we get to read the Sky Mall, an American Airlines’ mag in the seat pocket. Go to their web site (www.skymall.com) and see what you think.  Here are some of our favourites. A life size Yeti for the garden perhaps (beats a few gnomes for sure) or the Affirmation Chest perhaps?  Talking of gnomes in the garden, we see the cross dresser nearby has tidied up his garden and moved the gnomes.  More in a later blog.

A Yeti for your garden?

The Affirmation Chest - it talks to you when you open the lid!

 Just to illustrate the point, here is the blub for the “Affirmation Chest”.  I am not kidding! “Bob's legions of fans, although devoted, are not available for 24/7 worship.  Fortunately, this treasure chest of cheer is here to step in and save the day. Every time the lid is opened, a perky voice pipes up: "Lookin' good, Bob," "You sure are sexy, Bob," "Way to go, Bob," and "You're the man, Bob."

So, if you could record something for the Affirmation Chest, what would you want to say?

Reflections on Cayman

“Life on a Small Island” might include the following:

• The less paint a car has, the more polite the driver;
• Buy it when you see it if you need it – the ship doesn’t come in that often;
• A Ferrari here is less use than a dog with two legs;
• Buy 1 Jerk, Get 1 Free (ladies, this doesn’t refer to the hubby/partner/boyfriend – it’s the way they cook chicken and beef);
• Clearer water and friendlier people you won’t find anywhere;
• No Malls (as in Western Malls where they are all the same, the shops are all the same and to men, they are all equally boring.  Indooroopilly near us has “improved” their monster by making it very hard to find a parking and even harder to get Fat Harry’s (our Hyundai Santa Fe) ample backside into any of the spaces;
• Rugby Clubs should be modelled on the Cayman Rugby Club (more in a later blog);        
• Everyone has a dog and there are more than a few left over.  The Brits walk them. (Who else?)

Thank you to everyone there who made us so, so welcome, in particular the Soto family.

Personal and Family

Bub update

Here she is, the star of our lives.  Miss Sierra Madeline.  Mark and Bridget have been going through the “Whose turn is it to sleep” routine.   Sometimes you have to catch a ziz when you can….by the way, for all the ladies demanding to know where the little one is, look closely at the top of the sofa.  See, I didn’t leave her out. 

Kidner Jeremy’s Usefulness.

Loyal readers will recall KJ was useful in Cayman for picking up doggy doo doos from BK’s lawn where, because he is a trained observer, he noticed that the dog pooed in a straight line. What do you think goes through a dog’s mind when it poos on the lawn?  “Left a bit, right a bit, aahhh…” 

Dog poo in a row

 

Kidner Jeremy is less use than a couple of concrete blocks to a Jamaican carpenter and he has driven everyone nuts mooching around the place getting in the way when he’s not picking up doggy do doos, so he’s going back to work.  More specifically, he is going to try and create an online service based on the consulting work he and his brainy partner Dr Richard (Barber) have done here in Aus.  He got off on the wrong foot when he checked in at Owens Robert International Airport in Grand Cayman and found he had left his new PC in the apartment.  Thanks BK for retrieving it and getting it to him before the plane took off.  “New” PC do I hear you say? Yes. He spilled Samuel Adams Ale on the old one.  This is not a good start to an online business.

Back in The Big Island (Australia, a large island a little North of New Zealand).

In the month we have been back, 80% of Queensland was declared a drought area (the highest area subject to drought on record) and farmers are having it terribly hard. Last night we got 95 mms (just under 4 inches) of rain, enough to fill the pool to overflowing (about a 6 inch rise in the water level).  It’s not often one gets a 6 inch rise….

One thing that is immediately apparent here is that the roads are pretty well maintained despite the common perception that they are not.  You want poor roads, try Kenya – they lose articulated lorries in the potholes.  The huge irony is that big Four Wheel drive vehicles are very common in Aus and, if they are garaged in town where most of the population lives, they never see terrain requiring 4WD.  We often mused that in Thailand you could only tell where the road ended and the pavement (sidewalk) begins because that was where the dogs slept in the sun.When Cayman gets a big wet (i.e., pretty well every time it rains) you get waders in the puddles.  No, I am not kidding.

Cars, Wheels and the Meaning of Life

And how’s this for a set of extreme wheels? Snapped at a car show in Cayman.  When Kidner Jeremy was wandering around the show, getting out of getting in the way at home after all the doggy poo was safely in the bag, even slightly deaf as he is could tell that the Jamaican DJ was going at it full tilt. His ears were bleeding. The DJ’s that is.

Rant of the Month – hospitals and prisons

What do the Dear Leader (North Korea), the Premier of Qld and his Attorney General have in common?  Cynics will say they are all a little extreme in their politics although that is a little unfair to The Dear Leader.  Rumour has it that the Dear Leader is looking towards our Dear Premier for clues as to how to deal with irritating people such as political opponents.  Well, our Dear Premier has come up with legislation that even the Dear Leader wouldn’t dare try in North Korea.  Sex offenders and bikies are on the run, soon to be followed by doctors in the State Health system.

 

Queensland must be the only State in Australia to have an Elvis impersonator as the AG and a Kim Jong-un impersonator as Premier. Certainly, more people may be singing “Jail House Rock”.   Here are the Blues Brothers with their version. http://youtu.be/qcqtAPge_bI .  While you look at the video, think about the graph of prison populations.  I also read that Kenyan prisons have an occupancy level of 343.7% according to the BBC.   Queensland may be up there if our Dear Premier gets his way.

Captions are invited.

Current Events

2014 marks the Centenary of World War 1. The BBC has a forthcoming series “The Pity of War”. Niall Ferguson has made a few controversial points in his book of the same name, including a suggestion that Britain should not have entered the war so the series will be worth watching.  There are some surprising statistics revealed in the series, for example – 9 out of 10 soldiers in the British army who went into the trenches survived. 

Keep Well, Stay Safe

Kidner Jeremy and Mrs K

Bubs, themes, odd spot and New Year resolutions

In this blog post.

·         Themes - 3 wheels; Kidner Jeremy’s usefulness; cross (dresser).

·         Personal and Family - Bub update; mutts, hoses and other things.

·         Odd Spot – After the boat.

·         Current Affairs – Goodbye Holden.

·         New Year’s Resolutions

Bub update

Well, here is Sierra Madeline at 9 days and 10 days old.  Don’t be fooled by the peaceful, lovable photos.  For BK and Mark it’s been exhausting. I just keep picking the dog poop up off the lawn.  Nappies and breast feeding are all a bit too much for the old boy.

9 days old - dreaming

10 days old - angelic

I have been mulling over some themes for this little blog and would appreciate some ideas.  So far I have "KJ's usefulness", “That’s the Way the Locals like it”, “The Ritz and the Shitz” (extremes) and “Odd Spots”.  I will also comment on current events from time to time.  Any ideas?

Kidner Jeremy’s Usefulness

So, now I’ve mastered the art of picking up dog poop from the lawn, I thought I’d promote myself to “the person in charge of holding a long plank while the guy who knows how to work a circular saw cuts it”.  Nope.  It seems a concrete block is preferred.  Sad when one realises one is less use that a discarded concrete block.  Ahh. Such is life.  Now, where’s the dog poop?

Less useful than a concrete block!

Cross

We’ve seen Cross Polos, cross branding, cross cook and hot cross fish’n chips and now, a cross dresser (snapped at a roundabout). The picture’s a bit fuzzy – he was legging it a bit as we drove up to the roundabout!  If you have an example on “cross” post a comment.

Caribbean Cross Dresser Crossing the Roundabout

Three Wheels on - Everything

Many things seem to only come with three wheels in the Cayman when they are clearly designed for four or more. I wonder how the earth mover functions with one wheel missing. “Load it up towards the front mate; got one wheel missing.” Mrs K enquired about a high chair for sale and was told it only had 3 wheels, “but it balanced OK”.  We bought a second hand crib – you guessed – 3 wheels. We went for a drink at a beach bar and - two wheels on my barbie!  There must be a song in that somewhere.  Any ideas?

The Brits made a lot of 3 wheelers perhaps because of licensing regulations and a notorious example was the Reliant Robin, which literally fell over going round corners, brilliant in a country where there are more corners than straight roads. Here’s Mr Bean’s take on it, or rather “overtake” on it.   http://youtu.be/II1U-85lzkQ

Personal and Family

Of Mutts, Hoses and The Golden Stream

For a dog that doesn’t like water, BK’s mutt, “Badness” loves to chase the water stream coming out of the hose. Going for a walk with the dog when it thought JK’s golden stream was the same as that from hose. Never mind “Badness”; what about “Dampness”?

Odd Spot

Pulling out into the traffic, Mrs K sings out “You can pull out after the boat”? She was right.   

Current Affairs

Goodbye Holden - Rant for Petrol Heads

Many Aussies will lament the passing of Holden.  Pretty well everyone else will ask “What’s a Holden?” If they hadn’t kept it alive with subsidies for years it would have fallen off the perch long ago. (For younger readers, this is the classic Monty Python Dead Parrot Sketch. (http://youtu.be/npjOSLCR2hE)

Brits will be familiar with the decline of a locally managed car manufacturing business having seen Triumph, Leyland, BMC, Morris, Austin and so on be subsumed into one money losing conglomerate after another until the Germans and the Japanese sorted out all the production mess.  Britain is now producing more cars than Germany thanks to an injection of £6Bn of mostly private funds and the emergence of new markets in Russia and China. The Brits may be able to design them and make them but they couldn’t run a business doing this.   

I had a look at what people thought were the worst cars of all time.  One man’s meat is another man’s poison. Non Brits have not had the pleasure of driving a Morris Marina; this list from www.caradvice.com.au has a few Brit cars in it Jaguar (2), Morgan, and Aston Martin get a mention, but I have had the pleasure this week of driving a big, battered American pick-up truck.  It truly is something else.  Prod the thing and the bonnet rears up like a mad thing as the machine takes off.  Small fry such as Hondas with no paint and their chins on the ground defer to it at roundabouts as they should.  They just ignore the Yarris.  Not the big Chevy.  It would take a few minutes to settle down on its suspension after running a pebble in the road as the whole aircraft carrier-sized thing has no damping I have been able to discern mainly because it last had a service before Adam got his driving licence.  The sign on the dash begs “Change Engine Oil” and “Service Due”.   I’m looking for “Help” sometime soon. Perfect.

New Year’s Resolutions

What are your resolutions and have you managed to get past half of January and still keep to them?

Here are mine

1. ·         Less sugar and associated sweets stuff in particular the coffee and a bun ambush; 
2.              More swim and cycle – it’s easy here in Cayman; 6 miles to 7 Mile beach, swim up the beach, jog or walk back then cycle back.  Too easy.  Well, not that easy….

Here’s a target – at some point I would like to swim across North Sound, about 6 miles.