Bumper Stickers, gardens, tunnels and bridges, cocky racing, the Nanny State and politics.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, (but makes a great bumper sticker).

One of the great benefits of living in Bris Vegas in Paradise is that we have wonderful facilities such as the Botanical Gardens, which are no more than 20 minutes’ walk from Cooranga (our home).  The gardens cover 52 hectares (128.5 acres to the Brits) and offer “a scented garden, Japanese Gardens, waterfalls and the largest collection of Australian native rainforest trees in the world” according to their web site (http://www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/facilities-recreation/parks-gardens/brisbane-botanic-gardens-mt-coot-tha/index.htm) .  We walked round the Japanese garden. It is quite subrime.

(sublime).   

Botannical Gardens - Japanese Garden

However, behind the tree line it’s a different story……

Entrance to Legacy Way

This is the entrance to a 4.5 KM tunnel that will go under our suburb and (hopefully) take a lot of through traffic to the Inner City Bypass.  

Infrastructure Projects

Story Bridge - Paid for itself in 7 years

These major infrastructure projects seem to go through several distinct stages – head in the sand (we don’t need it), urgency (we need it now), NIMBY (not in my back yard), optimism (it’ll pay for itself), disappointment (no one’s using it) to acceptance (“How did we do without it?”) and eventually “How are we going to pay for the repairs?” (Although that’s more an American experience).   The Story Bridge (pictured, built in the Depression era) is a good example.  In fact the thing paid for itself in 7 years.  Brits may wonder why all the fuss – in Aussieland, most transport infrastructure is paid for by tolls, a process which involves a lot of people building computer models of traffic flow based on unrealistic assumptions to win the project after which the contractor often goes broke. 

Cocky Races

Miss Cocky

A few things about the Story Bridge.  The Story Bridge Hotel is something of a local landmark and is “nestled” under the bridge. One of its attractions is “Cocky Racing” (cockroach races) and, you guessed, they have a “Cocky Queen”. “More than a beauty competition, 'Miss Cocky' is all about poise and sophistication... the winner is to be a true ambassador of Cockroach racing for the year to come.”  Well, here she is – all poise and sophistication. Source: http://www.cockroachraces.com.au/miss-cocky-comp

Bicycles

City Cyles in Milton - so who posed for the photo, 'cos no one uses the cycles?

Brissy implemented a scheme about the time we arrived here called “City Cycle” to encourage people to ride rather than drive everywhere (good).   The problem was that, being a nanny state, we are required to wear bicycle helmets on the basis presumably that when you get run over by a Mack truck on Milton Road, a piece of packing foam shaped like a (rugby) football perched on your bonce is going to save your life. This piece of stupidity meant that the scheme was grounded from the start – you can’t ride the bikes without a helmet and if you don’t have a bike, you probably don’t have a helmet, so you can’t ride the bike. Brilliant. But, our Brissy public servants are a determined lot – they’ve dropped the sub from $11 to $2 a day and they and the contractor (JCDecaux) now offer courtesy helmets.  I suspect that the contractor has forked out for these and is taking the losses.  Next week, they’ll probably tender for an infrastructure project.

So, what about Nanny States?

A Nanny State (term probably coined by Iain MacLeod, a Conservative, Brit Politician in 1965 according to Wikipedia) refers to an over-protective state, as in silly bicycle helmets.  It seems, like a lot of things, a lot of people got there before us in Paradise. I found this site http://www.nannystate.com/ which does a good job of telling us the rules.  I thought Aussieland was bad – the United States dominates the entries.  

My favourite was a Dakota Fanning’s perfume advert being banned in the UK after 4 complaints for being sexually provocative (Rule 54).  Now here’s a funny thing – I thought perfume was designed for the specific purpose of being sexually provocative. http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/nov/09/marc-jacobs-dakota-fanning-ad-banned

I wonder if they do “Cocky Perfume”.

Aussie Politics

The Iron Lady from Spitting Images

One of the interesting things about being a newbie is that you see things through different eyes.  For example, last week I saw things through my right eye, this week, it’s the left eye.   Aussieland is experiencing some issues we’ve seen unfold in different countries we’ve lived in - power of the unions and “off shoring” in particular these past few months. 

Miners' Strike - Daily Telegraph, UK

For example, the grounding of the Qantas fleet echoes the confrontation between Maggie Thatcher and the Unions.  The Australians have a long history of Federal arbitration of these issues and it will be interesting to see whether the unions will succeed in their challenge to the current legislation – Fair Work Australia.  One crucial difference is that Julia, every bit in the Maggie T mould is a labour (sorry “Labor”) politician and will be looking over her shoulder at recent Labor electoral disasters in State elections.

Transport Workers Union Ralliy - Daily Telegraph

Keep Well, Stay Safe

Nanny Kidner and Mrs K

Noosa Tri and lotsa bikesNoosa Tri and lotsa bikes

October in Paradise is Triathlon time – the Noosa Tri that is.  This year, I was lucky enough to get a place on Jon L’s (the fittest man I know) team due to an injury to their runner.  I opted to do the bike leg as I have a niggling heel injury.  I need to put my modest efforts into perspective.  The winner of the 65 to 69 age group Mike Griffin completed the swim, ride and run in 2:34:39. To put this into perspective – our team time was 25 mins more than that! There were 3 runners in the over 70 category and a guy who completed it despite only having one leg!

Here was my hero of the day – we saw him finish.  Markus Hanley, 77, prepares for his 18th triathlon. Picture: Megan Slade. In case of any doubt, Mr Hanley is second on the left.  

If you’d like to see the course I rode, here’s a link.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UD8_GpzbmJs    When you watch this, just see how Courtney Atkinson (3 times winner) flashes past other cyclists.  That would have been me peddling for my life!  Speeds of 80 - 90 kph down the hill with tyres at 120+ psi – brown trouser stuff I can tell you. 

Next year I want to be fit enough to wear one of these.  That’s the hat, not the pink corset.  I couldn’t squeeze my fat backside into one.  The suit that is not the hat. I’d look a bit daft with the hat wedged up my crack. Besides, how would I peddle?

You may have read about the Qantas lockout.  There is no truth in the rumour that their CEO (pictured here – Alan Joyce) got on a plane and was surprised that no one else was on it.  There is a rash of strikes in Paradise at the moment it seems.  I’m waiting for Queensland Rail to go on strike to see if anyone notices.  I’d like to say it’s a Banana State but I can’t – since the floods last year, no one can afford bananas.  However, it seems the Queen can afford them.  According to the Courier Mail, she was offered bananas, pineapples and Bundy Rum as she cruised up the river.  I wonder which she took. What happened to cucumber sannies?

Anna Bligh at Brisbane Airport, waiting for the arrival of The Queen.
Picture: Robyn Ironside. Source: The Courier-Mail.  Next visit we hope to have an airport building to welcome Her Majesty. No, I am not kidding.  Here’s the link.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/  

Friday Mash was spot on with the Queen’s visit I thought.  http://www.fridaymash.com/au/gillards-girls/ .  “During her visit Queen Elizabeth II has made no attempt to establish herself as the Green Queen.  She obviously recognises Bob Brown’s prior claim to the title.”  For non-Aussie readers, Bob Brown is the Queen leader of the Green party, whatever that is.   It’s a good job she wasn’t relying on Qantas.  The Queen that is, not the Green Queen.   Some cynics have suggested that Bob Brown emits more hot air than a Qantas jumbo jet.   Well, for a couple of days this week that was actually true as Joyce grounded the entire fleet.   

From the Queen to Queen of the Road. I need to give heaps of credit to the people that put Trumpy on the road.  Thanks guys.  The boys at BJ’s Bikes and Bits posed for me when I popped in to pick up a few spares.  Chris pointed out that I had ridden the bike there with the choke full on.  I could’ve choked!  The BSA T shirt was a bit embarrassing, but Chris also explained that BSA owned Triumph at one point, so I guess that’s OK.  You can find them at http://www.britishmotorcycle.com.au/

Eagleby Q Test

I also am now licensed to ride the bike having completed my “Q Test” at Eagleby.  Not many people come out of Eagleby alive, although I must add that the land sectioned off in the picture wasn’t a burial ground for people without tattoos or who didn’t pass the Q test, or both, it is the base of a cell phone tower (under construction in case you were looking for the tower).  My steed for the 5 hours was a Korean Ducatti copy, a 650 cc Hyosang, quite quick up to 7,000 rpm, red lined at 11,500 rpm.  Non petrol heads may not pay much heed to this, but I can tell you, it was quick, very quick and stopped on a sixpence when doing the emergency stop from 50 kph.  I couldn’t find a sixpence so I had to stop on an Aussie 10 cent coin which is a bit bigger, but hey, I am an older rider.   Here’s the classroom.  Fortunately, the bins weren’t being emptied on Saturdays.  The Hyosang is the yellow bike, and in case you’re wondering, we didn’t all ride it together.  It wasn’t that kind of a Q test. 

From the sublime to the ridiculous.  When I went into the offices of Queensland Transport to exchange my Q Ride Certificate for a fair dinkum driver’s licence, I saw the bike equivalent of Arnold Schwarzenegger on steroids.  Yes, it is a V8 engine in a bike and the rear tyre must be at least a foot wide.  I have actually talked to the guy who owns this when we walked in New Farm a while ago.  He was a human being not a terminator. 

Keep Well, Stay Safe

Kidner Jeremy and Mrs K