Christmas, lawn mowing, war with China, bumper stickers and Jeremy O's corner

Mrs K, she with the super oven and a huge talent to go with it rustled up a few little nibbles for half of Brisbane on 10^th Dec. and a jolly fine do it was.   When I say ‘rustled up’ I mean 3 days of serious cooking. With 35 people milling around on the deck, Kidner Jeremy of course had his knickers in a knot in no time at all, but he needn’t have worried – Angus A summed it up ‘Don’t worry about me – I can find my own grog, no worries’.  The guests even dished up the dishes if you see what I mean.  Wonderful people in Paradise.

This week saw Kidner Jeremy tackle Olive’s ‘lawn’ (at number 64 opposite) which comprises weeds and grass about 2 to 3 feet tall.  It turns out that he had the strimmer upside down or back to front or something so Bryan C, a proper Aussie (next door) had to go and turn it round the right way.  How embarrassing – good job he’s not a dairy farmer or the bulls would have a surprised look on their faces.  

Apparently Oprah Barfly has been in Aus recently – word has it that Julia (our PM) thought she was seeking asylum and wanted to send her off to Christmas Island.  For non Australian readers, Christmas Island is an island (sic) about 2,600 kilometers NW of Perth which is five hours flying time from civilization in Aussieland and an hour’s flying time to Bali. 30 asylum seekers recently lost their lives there is heavy weather which dashed their rickety boat against the shore.  There is no way to describe this other than a humanitarian tragedy whatever your views on immigration.

Here’s one for the girls.

I don’t know if you have followed the dreary wikileaks saga, but it turns out that Big Kev was willing to take military action against China.  Can you believe this? We’re digging up most of Western Aus and Paradise and shipping it to China where they turn it into smoke and rubbish to sell in Home Depot and WallyMart and we want to go and bomb them.  How did he propose we get there – put the troops on an iron ore carrier?  We can’t ask Qantas (pronounced ‘quaintarse’) because all their brand new super jumbos have dud Rolls Royce engines.  For these reasons I have a feeling that the entire episode has been made up by our Dear Leader as an excuse to shell S Korea.  Not that he needs one.

Jeremy O’s corner

I have to recognise the source of seriously disgraceful jokes – Jeremy O, so with his permission, I have created a Jeremy O’s page.  I will post up some of the offerings from JO each week.  Enjoy.

Bumper sticker corner

The Big Wet, The Big Loss, The PM and Cross Dressing

It’s been a month, Barry the Barracuda is OK, the Good Lord gave us the Big Wet just so that our tree with the drinking problem was happy, Freddie Falcon managed 12.5 litres per 100kms, something of a record (he often runs out of juice just coming out the garage (that is if Kidner Jeremy doesn’t run over the bins awaiting collection). I’ve been running a bit on my balls (of my feet silly!)and Sybl goes to see the bank tax planning guy in about an hour.  Yes, I know I blogged ‘sod the tax man’ but it looks like he may sod me if I don’t sod him first.  Bugger that for a lark.

I’ve been working pretty much for 2 months now (http://www.levesys.com/levesys-consulting ) and in true Aussie style, we will all dress up in the week before Christmas.  They’ve issued a series of themes including one day where we have to wear a light beige frock or dress  – if any of my legion of adoring male fans have a suitable dress, please let me know and get it Fedexed in time for December 22. No, I don’t know what dress size I am, but please no low back numbers because I am a tad more hairy there than your average cross dresser.

Two themes occupy my mind this month – well, actually three themes but this is a ‘decent’ blog, so you’ll have to make do with the ‘decent’ stuff.  Life in paradise has been a little wet and a little losing.  The ‘Big Wet’ is truly something to see.  Whole areas of the country disappear underwater not to mention our garden (which actually has done well ‘cos we’ve arranged the drains quite well).  That’s sort of part of life in the big country but what exacerbates (pronounced in the same way as ‘masturbates’ in case you’ve not come across the term, exacerbate that is) has been the stunning form of the Pommie Cricket team.  Well the South African Pommie team let’s be honest.  As Phil J at work put it ‘There’s nothing worse than a Pommie loser, except a Pommie winner’.

Now for something completely different.  ‘Gillard’s Girsl’ have been on good form lately.  For those that don’t know who our PM is (or where Australia is for that matter) I thought I’d include an excerpt from the blog.  By the way, Julia (Gillard) is the one on the right in case you were wondering.

‘Doris said I shouldn’t tell you this as you might take it the wrong way but I reassured her you wouldn’t mind because it’s only a bit of fun. Mildred thinks your partner is really sweet and says he’s the sort of treat she could enjoy any time of the day. So she calls him Tim Tam’. For those unfamiliar with ‘Tim Tams’ they are a magic combination of biscuit, chocolate and all the stuff we’re not allowed to eat.

Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

And then this one from Cooktown (which is way way out there).

Keep Well, Stay Safe

Kidner Jeremy and Mrs K